The nightmare happens from time to time. I’m sitting in the room where she died. She’s on the floor struggling for breath. I try to pick her up to do something and her last breath is uttered in my face.
It’s different this time her face becomes angry and changes. I trusted and placed faith in the wrong person, and that hurts. She was wrong…I deserved to be happy with her.
You said we’d grow younger
together. You said that if life
were dimming and the world
blind, my kiss is what you would
want. I could never promise
much more than I could do,
but that would not have lasted long.
I feel low and alone. I feel kicked
in the gut without warning. I don’t
know what the future will bring for us,
but I hope yours is a happy one.
It doesn’t hurt as much I thought it would. You broke up with me because you didn’t feel the same love I have for you, and that’s okay. I still consider you a friend, but now my head is clearer and could never again provide you with a chance to hurt me again. I don’t know that I can trust anyone again because of you. I’m not sure I’d want to or put myself in such a position again. So, I’ll remain alone.
I don’t know if you still read this or not. I sort of hope you do. Dan Norris was a dear friend who used to work at the college with me. He was one of my best friends for a short time and actually pushed me to be a part of Dylan’s life more through my divorce. He died in Idaho yesterday. I don’t know the details, but I remember the person I knew.
I hope your vacation goes well. Know that I’ll still miss you, even if you don’t think about me. Know that – for me – it was real even if it wasn’t for you. Know that you stole my heart and I’m not sure how to exist anymore…at least not right now. I just know that my head overrides my heart now…thanks to you.