I don’t know why you blocked me this time, except that I reacted poorly to you telling me you were dating someone else. I stopped sending you sad songs…but I never wanted to lose you. It’s as if you’re this cherished second in my life that I don’t know what to do with. I’m deeply depressed and keep contemplating suicide with sleeping pills and rat poison. I contemplate, but that’s where it ends. In truth I’ve been laying on my couch all day. I don’t know of any other way to make amends other than to leave you alone. Check your mail later in the week…
I wish I could apologize to you a thousand times over and more. I wish you’d never told me about him, but you did and now my mind races with the pain of it all. I wish you knew what I felt and then, perhaps, you’d understand. I wish I knew how to say goodbye…to any notion of a relationship beyond the bounds of being friends.
The nightmare happens from time to time. I’m sitting in the room where she died. She’s on the floor struggling for breath. I try to pick her up to do something and her last breath is uttered in my face.
It’s different this time her face becomes angry and changes. I trusted and placed faith in the wrong person, and that hurts. She was wrong…I deserved to be happy with her.
You said we’d grow younger
together. You said that if life
were dimming and the world
blind, my kiss is what you would
want. I could never promise
much more than I could do,
but that would not have lasted long.
I feel low and alone. I feel kicked
in the gut without warning. I don’t
know what the future will bring for us,
but I hope yours is a happy one.